Crappy Tuesday

Hey dude,

You’re probably wondering why I was crying this morning. It started last night.

                My mom asked me something and I answered her by telling her the truth. And as it turned out, she didn’t believe me. It’s silly. When I lie she believes me and when I tell the truth she doesn’t. I guess that’s what I get for lying to her so much in the past right? My lying face and nervous tics became my truth-telling face.

               

                She asked me why I” quit” (the “ ” because I didn’t exactly quit) band. Simple question. Easy. I took a break because I didn’t like how the band director was teaching. There were only four dedicated members (including me) and when one got suspended, one quit because of lack of interest and the other didn’t care anymore it was only me. It was more pressure on my shoulders and I couldn’t do it by myself. So I took a break.

                This is why I “quit”.

                And this is what I told my mom.

                And she didn’t believe me.

                I got angry. But it wasn’t the type of anger when you feel it rising inside you and you feel steam blowing from your ears like in those old cartoons (and yes, it actually does feel like that), or the type of anger you feel when you have to punch something and if you don’t you might combust. It was the type of anger when you don’t know what to do but for now you’re gonna cry. When you feel this massive black hole inside of you sucking in your insides and there’s nothing for you to do but sit there and take it and cry. But that just made everything worse.

                Why are you crying. If you were telling me the truth then you wouldn’t be crying. If I find out you’re lying to me the consequences will be way worse.

                I’d heard it before but then it just scared me because I was indeed lying so therefore I had to make up more lies to cover up that one lie that started it all. But now it hurt. I wasn’t lying and I really wanted her to know that.

                 I had no reason to lie.

                Not then, at least. Maybe I should have lied. It would of saved tears and time.But that’s what kids do. They lie to cover up something (probably stupid and that probably wasn’t even worth the lie) that they would be ashamed to tell their mom, the person that brought them into this crazy, fast-moving world, but not their gang of so-called friends that they most likely won’t ever see again after high school.